Finding The One (Roommate Edition)

Hi everyone and welcome back to TheMayoJar!

As a journalist, student, and observer of the oddly specific, I have way too many thoughts to store.

This week, the jar is overflowing with reflections on my past living experiences, because approximately two months away from today…

My lease is up!

While some wouldn’t necessarily classify having three roommates in  a 1,000 square footage apartment with only one bathroom as ideal, in a lot of ways, it’s become both my safe haven and personal masterclass in human tolerance. I am beyond blessed to finally live with three people who bring joy into my everyday life, and beyond sad to be saying goodbye as we all will soon split paths!

In NYC, having roommates isn't always optional. In many ways, roommates are a method of survival. Splitting that rent could grant you the luxury of a closet AND a view of someone else's air conditioner. Yet, at what cost?

After almost three years of living here, I have had ten roommates in total. While almost all have brought me much needed lessons, some also left me with many hours in therapy. This leads me to question, what actually makes a good roommate? Does the perfect roommate even exist?

So without further ado, here is my short and sweet guide to having roommates (that no one asked for).

BTW, If you have never scrolled through r/badroommates on Reddit, I highly recommend looking through it for entertainment or maybe emotional validation depending on your situation. The subreddit is basically a mix of horror and hilarity when it comes to bad roommate situations. While I am grateful to have never had to deal with felonies, animal cruelty, or literal biohazards in my living space, not every roommate has been a walk in the park. I've had my fair share of stolen items, group chat wars, cursed thin walls, and a few screaming matches. I'll probably save those stories for some other time.

For now, here's a bullet list of the unofficial, fool-proof, Mary Mayo-approved guide to being a decent roommate:

• Know how to wash a dish (you'd be surprised at how many adults don't). Here's a quick guide just in case: https://dawn-dish.com/en-us/how-to/hand-wash-dishes/
• Announce overnight guests. Nothing wakes you up faster than meeting a half naked stranger at 8 a.m casually using your favorite mug.
• Buy communal things occasionally. Paper towels, trash bags, butter. Karma sees all.
• Respect quiet hours. 2 am is not the ideal time to discover a passion for vacuuming.
• Ask to borrow items and clothes. Let them borrow as well.
• vomit belongs in the toilet (don't ask)
• Sometimes the group chat isn't the best place for confrontation. Especially when everyone is sitting ten feet away from each other. Here's a quick guide to sorting common problems: https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/difficult-conversations-roommates
• Mystery containers in the fridge have a statute of limitations. If it looks like it's growing its own ecosystem, it's time to let it go
• don't talk shit to other roommates about your roommates. Word travels fast and the walls are almost always thin.
• SHOWER. This should not need to be on the list, yet here we are.
• Don't hoard communal stuff. We all know you're hiding the good scissors.
• Lastly, take care of your roommates: ask how their day was, do group dinners, watch a show with them. After all, sometimes the best part of living together is knowing someone's always on the other side of the wall.
  

That's it for this week. Stay tuned for my next expedition into apartment hunting, wish me luck!

—Mary

lovingly preserving life's leftovers in TheMayoJar.